Getting Mugged

I have almost gotten mugged 3 times in my life so far, ‘almost’ as in the mugger failed to mug me successfully.

The first time I almost got mugged was outside Victoria station in Westminster at about 12 in the evening, this mugger pop out of nowhere and demand money (also says please, which is quite polite of him), at that point I burst out laughing really hard, why? Because the knife he’s using to mug me is in fact, a Swiss army pocketknife, probably a fake that he got for a tenner, I can’t stop laughing even thought when he could’ve knifed me, but he didn’t and buggered off.

So that’s one-nil to me.

The second time however was a bit more complicated, add to that I was in an area where mugger believe to be more frequency in Brixton, instead of a tiny knife, he got a big fuck-off Crocodile Dundee knife (he also says please while demanding my money which again is polite of him). Somehow I just panic and went full on arguing with him about how sloppy the process of mugging me is, I don’t remember much what I’ve says to him but this is how it go;

“Oh you’re going to mug me, like? See, the problem is you complete inept bugger, is that I can quite clearly see your face, figure out your height and what clothes you’re currently wearing, however if you did stab me and left me to dead, then you’d get caught anyway like the other muggers do, look around, this isn’t exactly a discreet location to mug someone, and you already left plenty of print!”

At that point he buggered off as well, two-nil to me.

The third time, I’m not so sure whether it was a successful mugging or not; On the way to the station, rushing as I was late for a date with someone, a mugger pop out of nowhere (again, says please while demanding my money), at that point I was properly annoyed that I got held up by a pesky mugger, I scramble into my pocket, pull out a tenner, toss it to him, told him to piss off back to Romford, and back rushing to the station to catch the train.

He probably did do a successful mugging, but someone pointed out to me that I merely donated him the money, so the score is still two-nil to me.

That’s pretty much my experience of ‘almost’ getting mugged, I did notice however, that the British muggers are somewhat more polite, when my mate who got mugged some years ago, the mugger gave him a pound twenty for the bus fare home, very nice of them, even thought they took all of his queens, I suppose some would says that you only need to says the right thing to prevent such thing, instead of getting a weapon to prevent these thing to happen like that 2nd Amendment rubbish in America.

Ta ra for now.